If you tuned in last week, you know I've embarked on a 90-day long journey with the Lord to cultivate, build and strengthen virtue. I've learned a lot over the past 19 days on this adventure with the Lord and, as promised, I would love to share what the Lord is doing in my heart, my community's lives and shed some light on the part of my poverty the Lord really has drawn my attention to.
One thing I did not think was going to be as challenging as it has been for me was the TV notion. FIAT90 suggests that you only watch one TV episode or movie a week, and when you do, to use it as a chance to initiate community by inviting 2 or more friends to partake in this activity with you.
I'll have you all know that when I read this initially I thought it was such a cool idea and I was stoked to do it.
I'll also have you know that I misread it the first time. I thought it said this:
"I will only watch TV or a movie once a week."
Which is totally not what it says.
In my attempt to mold FIAT90 into what I wanted it to be and how comfortable I wanted it to be, I thought to myself, "Oh hell yeah! This will be great for me. I won't be distracted all week and I'll have tons of time to do all the other things FIAT asks of me and I'll still have time leftover AND I'll get to pick a day that works best for me and just binge all of my shows then! And, because I'm not on social media, nothing will be spoiled for me in any of my shows and I can just have a "me day" and keep to myself and watch all my shows. Man, this might be easier than I thought!"
...it is most definitely not as easy as I thought...yet also not as difficult as I then tormented my mind into thinking it would be when I realized what the statement actually said.
I did not realize how often I go home, go straight to my room and pop on a show.
Or when I am cleaning the house and have a show on in the background.
Or when I'm cooking and have a show on in the background.
Or when I take a bath and have a show on in the background.
Or on my way to bed and put a show on to fall asleep.
I have been filling my life with all of this noise: binge-watching shows to fill my life with sound to distract myself from the silence or to simulate sound so that I do not feel alone.
I also love shows because as an only child, when I didn't have siblings to run to when I wanted company, and it was too late to have friends over, the TV was there for me to be connected to whether it was watching a show my friends watched so we could have something more in common, or when I was feeling lonely and turned on the TV in order to continue my 'connection' with the characters in my favorite shows. (unless of course its Grey's Anatomy where Shonda Rhimes likes to kill off everyone I love...but you get the point...)
Not having shows around to distract me from my responsibilities or fill my 'free time' with has truly called me into the silence.
Into the rhythm of prayer.
Into self-reflection.
Into introspection.
Into self-improvement and knowledge.
Into a season of desiring to learn so much and absorb as much information as possible, to continue forming myself as a disciple of Christ.
But you know what it has not led me into--something I feared it might: isolation. I am not isolating myself as much as I once was watching all of my shows and keeping up with all of my different episodes week in and week out.
Now, wanting to watch TV shows to experience storylines, plots and characters that show what is true, good and beautiful is not a bad desire; it can become a disordered desire when I start forming my day around when I will watch a show or when I use escaping to my room as an excuse to dodge community when it is hard.
Especially in the case of roommates and even living with our families.
Simply put: we cannot cultivate community, a domestic church, or a thriving group if every time we come home, we waltz straight to our rooms, close the door, throw on a show, and seclude ourselves for hours on end catching up with a quite different definition of a 'community.'
I will be the first person to tell you that I am an extrovert--but, if I do not have my introvert time to myself, which was usually filled with a show in the morning or at night, some reading time, working out alone or playing music, then I am not as joyous as a person.
And we need that.
We need our introvert time.
We need time for quiet prayer, silence, self-reflection and self-improvement.
When we sacrifice getting to know ourselves each day for the sake of gaining knowledge about TV show characters, we fail to delight in the very same joy the Father created us to experience.
I want to challenge you, you beautiful soul reading this blog post, to do something this week to get to know yourself more and make an intentional effort to love yourself this week in an extra way. Maybe its reading a book, or spending some extra prayer time with the Lord and allowing him to love on you, or journaling about your best gifts and qualities or taking an extra-long bubble bath or making your favorite meal to treat yourself for being a beloved Daughter or Son of the King.
I think we often forget that we are made by the King.
I know I do. I feel broken and unimpressive at times.
But, whether we feel like we are royalty all the time or not: we are by our very nature made to inherit the Kingdom in eternal life, side by side with the Creator King.
And because we are created BY a King and we come FROM a King, made in His image and likeness, we are literally derived from royalty.
Which makes us an heir to the throne of Heaven.
How freaking gnarly is that?!
Also, I would be lying if I said that I am going to stop watching TV and movies all together after FIAT, because that's not what this sacrifice is teaching me. Have I already planned my binge-watching when I stop FIAT so that I can quickly catch up with my shows in order to "fill up" on what I have 'missed out on' for the previous 90 days?
Yes.
Yes, I have.
Because I am human.
And I am broken.
But in that brokenness is where Christ gets to be my savior, where He gets to redeem me, and where He can speak to my lonely soul, thirsting for more than this world can offer me. It's where He can tell me:
"The echo between [y]our ribs cries for songs beyond this dry bones world.
It says, 'Leave that broken water jar, Daughter.
Don't you realize I've got fountains for that parched soul?'"
--Courtney Kiolbassa "Fear of Missing Out" Spoken Word
Jesus has been teaching me a lot about desires and dreams over the past week. The Lord cannot give us desires He cannot and will not quench with His Love. That, my dear friends, is impossible for our Maker. When we desire, it is Divine Realization of what He created me and you to do. Desires from our Lord are always linked to freedom for our souls where we can co-create with the Lord.
In the Abiding Together podcast, Michelle mentioned in the episode entitled 'How to Begin Dreaming,' that,
"Dreaming starts with Divine Imagination, but it comes to fruition through surrender and obedience."
Speaking of surrender and obedience, one woman who is truly inspiring me each day we venture further into this request from the Lord to liberate ourselves from man-made chains, is the beautiful Maggie Hoover.
Maggie has taken it upon herself to be the group resource maker. She has created a checklist for FIAT so that we can keep all of our daily promises together, she created a 54-day rosary novena guide and even took the liberty of creating a small group contact list all the while encouraging women along the way throughout each part of their journey.
Clearly, I'm grateful for all of these things because if anyone knows me, even in the slightest, you know ya girl loves her a checklist, a to-do list or literally anything to do with organization.
(Totally unrelated side note: **Shoutout alert**: To this day my earthly Daddio gives me a piece of office supplies, nifty organizer or even some sort of filing system to aid my obsession--last year he gave me a virus stick for my computer. Gotta love practical Dad gifts, am I right)
What I love most about Maggie, especially in the way I am coming to know her now, is how much she desires to be a spiritual mother to the rest of the group. She has a PDF for all our FIAT90 needs but she also has encouragement. She prays a daily offering each morning she attempts the Heroic Minute and truly does not cease to astound me by her prayer suggestions, encouragements and genuine love for the women in this group--some of whom are friends of other friends whom she only knows through the Immaculate Heart of Mary. But boy does she still love them well. Before I get to talking about Maggie's journey so far with FIAT, I just have to gush about one more thing: her humility.
Maggie floored me when she asked why we wear the brown scapular (click here to read more about this devotion to Mary). I was floored because it is in this moment, I realized Maggie's humility. She has been triumphantly and fearlessly spearheading this movement of women journeying through FIAT90, but her humility allowed her to seek our answers through her fellow women community. I know this might sound so small, but it is a grace to take the time to ask another to allow them to share their knowledge, wisdom and counsel instead of always leaning on ourselves.
If we never give the other a chance to showcase their gifts and talents, how can we expect to set the world ablaze without souls who are continually being called to come fully alive by their community?
I'd like to round out this post by just delving in to all the graces and struggles Maggie is experiencing during this pursuit of virtue, and how she is calling me higher each day. I actually snorted when Maggie said that she didn't think she was 'holy enough' or 'disciplined enough' to enter into FIAT90 because I just think that's absurd; if you know Maggie, you know that she is a holy and amazing woman of God.
What's funny is, Jesus also thought it was absurd because Maggie almost didn't join in on FIAT90 because she couldn't find a Miraculous Medal, which is one of the things we vow to wear each day. Later that day, after feeling relieved about not having to 'hassle' herself with finding a Miraculous Medal she was walking into her room to find a medal on the floor. Thinking it was one of the ones she wears frequently, she picked it up off the floor and please take a gander what it was...
.
. .
...A MIRACULOUS MEDAL.
Maggie has NO idea where this came from and accepted this rad invitation to build her virtue from that moment. She has been using this as a platform to sacrifice for a special intention.
Has it been filled with graces? Of course! Maggie's biggest grace thus far has revolved around the Rosary with Our Lady, which has become her favorite part of the day. The most beautiful part about Maggie's commitment to this daily rosary at the start of the year, before FIAT90 was even on her radar, she was praying for a more feminine and Marian-integrated heart so that she could more closely emulate the graces of Mary's most perfect and Immaculate Heart. Lately, people have been verbally affirming her for her heart which others can visibly see is actively becoming more like Our Mother's.
I'm sure by now you think Maggie is a saint...but her journey with FIAT90 has not been without struggles. She mentioned to me about boredom being such a real thing. (RETWEET: I've been reading more than I ever have and listening to hella podcasts to fill some of my time when I'm not being called into silence...and even sometimes when I'm resisting it.) All in the Lord's goodness does he prod Maggie to choose to persevere. Prayer and sacrifice are so powerful, people. Maggie is offering this up for a new addition to her family come July 2019, when her brother and his wife will welcome a new precious life into this world. Maggie's reasoning for offering his experience up each day is so necessary for us to realize when we fast, pray and sacrifice of rite conversion of hearts. She says,
"Every morning when my alarm is blaring and I do my heroic minute I slap my alarm and pray for them right then and there. I’ve been trying to keep them in mind at any little “inconvenience” I find in FIAT90 and it has made it all the more worth it."
What is so beautiful about Maggie's choice is the selfless motivation she has to dedicate the next 90-days to the conversion of hearts. That is something the Lord calls each of us to do every day. Sometimes I think we freak out about what the Lord is calling us to because we have no idea what our vocation is or if we're headed in the right direction: but the Lord is always calling us to prayer, to sacrifice, and to offering ourselves up for the sake and growth of the Kingdom.
"I have come to set the earth on fire, and how I wish it were already blazing." - Luke 12:49
Another week+ of FIAT is in the books and the Lord is still moving so evidently in our lives.
Thank you for all of the prayers you have offered up; know of our prayers for you!
If you have specific intentions you would click lifted up, comment under this post, or chat me on the site chat.
We would LOVE to intercede for you.
St. Bernadette, please pray for us!
St. Peter, please pray for us!
St. Thérèse of Lisieux, please pray for us!
Here is the Morning Offering Prayer: I encourage each of you to start at least one morning a week with this prayer. The Lord is moving so powerfully through it, I'm confident you will want to incorporate it more than once a week; but, baby steps. Virtue wasn't built in a day!
In the name of our Lord Jesus Christ I will begin this day. I thank you, Lord, for having preserved me during the night. I will try my best to make all I do today pleasing to You and in accordance with Your will. My dear mother Mary, watch over me this day. My Guardian Angel, take care of me. St. Joseph and all you saints of God, pray for me.
O Jesus, through the immaculate heart of Mary, I offer you my works, prayers, joys and sufferings of this day for all the intentions of Your Sacred Heart in union with the holy sacrifice of the Mass throughout the world, in reparation for my sins, for the reunion of all Christians, for the intentions of my friends and relatives, and especially those of the Holy Father.
I wish to gain all the indulgences attached to the prayers I shall say and good works I shall perform this day.
Amen
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