On the precipice of Lent, much as Jesus traversed through the desert, my thoughts have been wandering to the places in my experience that feel most kin to a dry, parched desert.
The relationship I desire to be in, but
am not called into yet.
The attachment to sin that keeps me
from the Lord.
The familial life I dreamed would be
different.
The chasm of the unexpected loss of
my father every time I attend a
wedding.
The noticeable ache of singlehood.
The reminder of broken relationships
or failed and fractured friendships.
The consistent offering up of
everything that accompanied my
accident and the concurrent
procedures, appointments and bills
that follow.
The need to forgive, but the desire to
hold on to the feelings of hurt and
anger as validation for what I have
been through or experienced, especially
due to experiences with others.
The list goes on, but truly, the largest desert that I have felt left in is with:
Vocation.
The enemy constantly lies to my heart and soul as the deceiver screams into my being that I was forgotten in this desert. That the Lord put me here, and left me here, because there is nothing for me. That my deep longing for marriage and family cannot be fulfilled because the Lord has no one for me. And even the insane and boldfaced lie that the Lord simply does not have a Vocation for me. Because how could He? Why would He?
The enemy, my dear brothers and sisters, banks on us remembering, retaining and rehearsing these lies in our mind, living them in our being and internalizing them into the words that fuel our soul. That's why he is the father of lies. They seep in, they distort, they twist and they rupture what the Good Lord and Good Shepherd is trying to whisper to the depths of our heart.
The Lord was tempted by a cacophony of the enemies empty lies. When he meets the Lord in the desert in the Gospel of Matthew, he doesn't tell the Lord, "You're not the Son of God, why would you think that??" He simply says, "If you are the Son of God..." (Matthew 4:3)
The enemy may be blatantly telling you that you are not a Beloved Son or Daughter of the One True King. But he also may be saying, 'If you really are what God says you are...then __________."
We can fill in the blank with everything the enemy makes us doubt the Lord's goodness in.
"If you are the Lord's Beloved then..."
You wouldn't struggle with generosity.
You wouldn't keep failing with purity.
You wouldn't be lonely or alone.
You wouldn't be anxious.
You wouldn't endure sorrow.
You wouldn't have broken relationships.
You wouldn't doubt.
You wouldn't be this way.
The Truth is, if we aren't the Lord's Beloved, then we wouldn't be here.
He has, by His sheer goodness, created us to share in His own Blessed Life. (CCC #1)
When we cry out to the Lord to convict us that we are loved and cherished and seen and known, but we feel His distance in prayer, we must stay vigilant to not let the enemy impede our understanding of our belovedness, no matter the desert we are trekking through.
This heavy silence we may hear or feel from the Lord is the antithesis of the empty words from the enemy. The silence doesn't mean He has abandoned us in the desert. This silence may mean He is asking us to root out more noise, chaos and busyness in our lives so that we may hear Him more ardently. More precisely. More openly.
Just because the enemy may be all we hear, does NOT mean that he is the only one who is speaking.
Listen to the One who speaks the Truth about your Beloved nature to your soul each day.
Rejoin with His gaze today.
Let's invoke His name and implore His wisdom and guidance through whatever desert you may find yourself in this Lent.
Lord, we long to hear your voice. We desire to enjoin our will to Your most Perfect Will. Guide us in these weeks in the desert. Help us to understand that You have not, and never will, leave or abandon us there. When we feel most isolated, may we join our fasting to Yours as you increase our generosity and meet us in our Sacred Space of prayer in the innermost depths of our hearts.
Most Sacred Heart of Jesus, have Mercy on Us!
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