i've been to the day 3000
On May 21, 2018, as I was on my way to serve as a missionary for ECHO Community leading retreats, evangelizing with Theology of the Body and pursuing the Lord as a missionary, I recall driving to missionary formation biiiiig mad.
I was seeing other peoples lives, Vocations, jobs, grad schools, families, etc. fall together, in what appeared to be, a totally seamless fashion.
And here was Michaelyn.
Yelling at the Lord for stringing her along because He knows that she's stubborn, loyal to a fault and won't leave: even when she feels like He is just leading her along with breadcrumbs.
That first night of missionary formation, I perceived the Lord telling my...still slightly enraged heart at this self-manifested 'injustice'...that I was funny.
As I recall, His exact words were, "Daughter, it is so funny that you think I am the God of scarcity...because I Am the God of ABUNDANCE."
I remember responding to Him in prayer with a graceful and prideful, "Pfffttt. Right."
And yet, even then, He set a plan in motion that would stun His little daughter for the remainder of her 20s, and then some.
The truth is: since that day, the word abundance has popped up in my life every. single. day. Often, more than once.
Now, I know what you're thinking: of course it did while you were a missionary, Michaelyn. It's all over Scripture and TOB. And I know what you're going to say about the following 8+ years working in ministry for the Church: it's all over the collects of daily Mass, the Bible, all those Church-y emails, worship songs, retreats and content you sift through every day. And to all of that I say...you're right. It is often popping up in Mass, the readings, the prayer before communion, a particularly baller confession, a retreat, a spiritual reading or a continuing education and formation for my job as the Director of Youth Ministry for my parish.
But...Our Lord is not only resourceful: He's hilarious. I wish I had kept a catalog over the last 3,000 days since May 21, 2018 when this all started in a downstairs sitting room of a Mississippi home during missionary formation, that has stayed a poignant trend through the majority of my 20s and into my 30th year of life. It's so telling that He would have day 3,000 be on the Feast of the Transfiguration: something He has had mapped out since the beginning of time, even if I was too dense to connect the dots for longer than I'd like to admit...
I get asked all the time from people who come to know this story from my own testimony, my friends who nudge me when they notice my word when we're together, and now, you've probably heard about it from my myriad of youth group kiddos who are in and invested on the journey of exactly how long it will take their youth minister to learn what Jesus is trying to say through this continuous reminder of His abundant capacity. (Spoiler alert: I hope I never exhaust this sweet little gift Jesus prepares for me each day.)
I've received the word abundance in reality TV shows, rando secular music, podcasts, just for fun books, and even Taco Bell commercials (talk about live más amiright??). The word abundance has popped up more times than I care to admit whilst actively trying to clutter my life with noise to disassociate or crowd out my thoughts, the Lord and even just the concept of silence.
Even through my stubbornness and even my occasional threatening, tongue stuck out to the Lord with mere minutes left to spare in the day, accusing my Lord and laughing at Him for not showing up that day after oh so many accrued days of the word abundance stalking me: He has always pulled through. For 3,000 days straight. In a row. No breaks. No confusion on if I will hear it, see it or stumble upon it: I now have full trust that it will happen each and every day from His words in my prayer, the formation I seek out in Scripture and the Sacraments, His Beloved who are in on the mission, and even when I try to crowd Him out with the incessant noise. I know My Lord is coming through with a new promise of abundance each day, without ceasing.
I've learned a lot over the past 8 years experiencing the Lord's abundance, especially in the unexpected, the heartbreak and the outright surprising moments when He has convicted my heart, who still has a propensity to root my expectations in scarcity, that He is more abundant than I can even comprehend. That He provides as the Good Shepherd in ways I don't even perceive. That He is constantly calling me to Himself to receive the very breath I breathe: and He will always provide for His Beloved in abundance, even when I'm tempted to run astray and find 'fulfillment' in the noise. His steady, silent pursuit has always been the source of my sustenance: and I never want to know a day without it.
My Scripture of the year is Hebrews 11:1, which says, "Faith is the realization of what is hoped for and evidence of things not seen." I never would have imagined that 3,000 days ago, the Lord would still be teaching me the same lesson about His Goodness over the course of 8+ years and counting. Though, why am I surprised? This is what I have always hoped for: a continual conversation with my Beloved and His pursuit of my little heart in a way that makes me feel uniquely seen by the King. So, I will strive to keep up my end of the bargain: to seek Him, turn to Him instead of my own noise, and entrust my life to Him because His Providence is the continued realization of what I have hoped for, something that He simply never fails on. And He never will.
I pray that the Lord would make apparent to your little heart a word that He desires to intertwine through your mundane and excitement alike, where you can begin to notice the gift of His Hand consistently in moments of your daily life.
Come Holy Spirit, make our hearts like unto Thine!
Comments